An Essay on Hope

Image: Will your glass be half empty or half full this year?

I've been thinking about the annual New Year's celebration most of us so joyfully participate in and have come to realize how closely hope (with all those New Year resolutions and well wishes of a Happy New Year) is related to the holiday. Hope is a good thing, a positive thing (for lack of a better word.) According to Wikipedia "hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life."

If there is anything we all want it's a positive outcome. It might be losing five pounds or fifty pounds. It might be the belief that one will conquer a plague of continuous bad frizzy, wild hair days. It might be that a truly awful year, might be replaced by a shiny, cheerful new one. Or it It might be that the economy might unexpectedly change for the better or that a new president of a powerful country can conquer the overwhelming challenges that face him.

Overall the world is a better place with hope. New Year's Eve and New Year's Day for example would not be as fun without it. Wouldn't it be something if we all sat around predicting our dooms on New Year's instead of crafting resolutions? Or how would we feel if we said "Happy Doom's Year" to everyone instead of "Happy New Year"?

As a parent of a special needs child, hope is believing that my child will continue to develop, improve as a student, and learn to cope with the extra challenges in life that he faces. Sure I want to keep my weight in check and my curly, sometimes wild hair in place.

But in terms of hope, the desire to see positive outcomes for my child (well both children actually) is stronger than most other desires. It's a helpful desire that overcomes the overwhelming emotions this parents feels when taking her child to doctor on a list of specialists her child must see or if her child has an extreme meltdown or a so, so report from school.

There is also the hope that she can successfully balance the needs of her child with autism with the needs of her typically developing child--which is one of the biggest, most daunting challenges she faces. However, despite all the challenges, hope is one thing that is always there to grasp. Hope, as they say it, springs eternal in this parent's soul.

Wordless Wednesday

Introducing Herbie the Frog

All C1 asked Santa for was a froggy in a tank. C1 believed Santa would bring him one and Santa, at the very last minute, made sure a frog was under the tree on Christmas morning. The first thing C1 did for Herbie was to make a sign with his new frog's name. (I named Herbie before C1 saw him.) You can see the tape and the white oval that makes up the sign in this picture.

Our cat Simba thought the frog, the little gray blob at the back of the tank on the left hand side, was hers. Fortunately the tank has a wire mesh cover! The tag on the tank said the froggy is a red spotted frog.

She though Herbie was very interesting while he was under the tree. However, she hasn't visited Herbie up in C1's room where the frog now lives. As for my son, he was more skittish at first than our usually skittish Simba. He looked at Herbie from across the room, but eventually was able to get closer as you can see from the first picture.

Late in the day, I asked C1 if he was scared of the froggy or if he liked him.

"No I love Herbie," he said. When asked by relatives on the phone what he received for Christmas he would say, "I got what I wanted--a froggy in a tank!" Although he did receive some other gifts, he only talked about Herbie.

Long live the frog!

Feeding the Reindeer

My youngest son brought home some reindeer "feed" from Kindergarten. He and his older brother, 10, decided to put feeding the reindeer on the agenda for Christmas Eve.

They were quite proud of their offering and to my surprise the older one did not complain or tantrum when the younger one poured all the food out himself.

The "feed" looks quite a bit like oatmeal. If Santa's reindeer do not eat it, I imagine the regular local does or bucks that live in our city will be happy to find the the meal.

I promised the the Kindergartner that we would not throw the Reindeer food holder away. Maybe we refill it next year for another offering.

Merry Christmas!!

Poem: Deserts or Meadows

Image: Calligraphic Lion, Persia Nineteenth Century Giclee Print

Deserts or Meadows by J. Lorenzen

Bold one, bold one,

Bold one of my heart,

He puts me all together

He tears me all apart.

He brings out all my weaknesses,

but the strengths afterward flow.

So, across deserts or meadows

With him would I go.

He carries in the fire light,

And lights my curtained room,

Bold in the doorway

Bold in the gloom;

And bold as a lion,

Crouchful and low.

Across deserts or meadows

With him would I go.

Author's note: This latest adaptation was based on W.B. Yeats' poem To an Isle in the Water, which appeared in a book of Yeats poem titled: A Poet to His Beloved: The Early Poems of W.B. Yeats. Some of the poems were bittersweet because they reflected his unrequited love for Maud Donne, a woman who rejected his three marriage proposals.

Like Yeats, many of us parents of children with special needs love our children unconditionally, no matter what happens. I'm willing to go wherever my child and my love for him takes me. Fortunately, that love gives me the all necessary, but powerful strength to do so. This post concludes my weeklong series about meltdowns. If you missed my first Yeats adaptation titled When you Have Meltdowns and would like to see it, please go here.

Sharing an Article about Holiday Stress

Photo (to illustrate the last tip provided in the article): Our Christmas Countdown Calendar provides a fairly low key way to track the holidays. It's up a few feet above our living room entrance way. Usually our five year old who is not on the spectrum is the one who reminds mom to move the little Santa from pocket to pocket. The ten year with ASD likes it when we remember, but doesn't seem to notice when we forget to change it.

Holiday Stress

Meltdown week here at this blog was inspired by the holidays. I think it's a time that can inspire anyone, on the spectrum or not, to have a meltdown. Throw in flu and cold season and bad weather (for those of us in harsher winter climates) with the factors mentioned in the article and things can get extremely stressful to say the least.

The following is an article appearing in the most recent issue of Kid's World News. It's a publication featuring news from local schools. The mini newspaper, written for kids, comes home in both my boys' back packs. The following article was one adapted from one on KeepKidsHealthy.com, Nov/Dec 2005 and Texas Children's Hospital.

Here is the article:

"The holiday season is upon us, and for many families that may mean decorating the house, baking cookies and endless shopping trips. Mixed in with the constant holiday music, you may hear the faint strains of children (and adults) suffering from the stress of the season.

We all want our holidays to be unforgettable, filled with happiness, traditions and memories. But the truth is that holidays are filled with hustle, bustle and new routines, which can be a never-ending whirlwind of stress for children.

You can help your child (and maybe you!) beat the holiday stress by following a few simple tips:

• Limit TV and video game time and increase physical activity and exercise time.


• Remember your child's normal routines, and try not to interrupt them. Stress is often the result of routine changes over which your child has no control.


• Don't allow yourself to get too busy to pay attention to your family's nutrition. When you factor in all the extra goodies available during the holidays, be sure to plan at least one healthy family meal every day so you are sure your child is getting the energy he/she needs. (Note: I suppose this may be very difficult or very easy depending on the food preferences of specific children.)


• Family traditions are very important to you and your children. They offer great comfort and security for children when other routines are disrupted. Maybe your family tradition is putting up the tree, decorating cookies, or reading a special book. Be sure to make this family tradition all that it can be for your child.


• Do occasional attitude checks, before the holidays get into full swing. Take a deep breath, and have everyone in the family agree to do their best to make the holiday season a time of joy and family peace.


• Laugh a lot. Laughter is still the best way to beat stress and change everyone's mood from bad to good. Read the comics together, tell a daily joke, and lighten the mood with a smile. (From the blogs I read, I think many parents with children on the spectrum already know all about humor!)


• If you are doing a "countdown" activity with our child, be sure it is low key and doesn't add so much anticipation that our child is stress or anxious."

A Book Excerpt: What Do I Do When My Child Loses Control

Below are some tips from the book "What Do I Do When my Child Loses control by Polly Greenberg. The book seems to be written for parents with typically developing children who are between the ages of 3-7. She calls the ideas outlined below "Tantrum Tamers." They aren't meant to address sensory or anxiety overload, but I believe that some of these ideas may work or be adapted for the child with autism--even those who are older than seven since many children with ASD are running a few years behind developmentally.

Greenberg writes:

"Here are some ideas that work for many parents. If your child won't go to an out of the way time out place:

1. Use reverse time out.

Walk out yourself. Shut yourself in a room where you have a good magazine to read, and enjoy it. keep one there, just in case. If necessary, take the baby, but it's better to leave your other children out of this, if possible.) After the storm has subsided and blue skies appear again, say nothing about the wild behavior. Move on in a friendly way.

My input: I like the idea of the reverse time out, but if the child is older and able to understand, it might be a good idea to actually talk about the wild behavior after the child has calmed down. Try to make sure you and your child have an idea of what caused the meltdown. (Writing down the factors surrounding a meltdown afterward may give you some insight.) While offering some reassurance, try to help your child understand why that behavior was unacceptable. This may help cut down on the probability that a tantrum or meltdown will happen over the exact same or during similar circumstances in the future.

2. Start time out after the tantrum has wound down.

Say, "You'll start your time out when your enough in control of yourself to go into your room." Later, say, " I see you've gotten yourself calm. Good. Now spend some time alone (as many minutes as equal the child's age), and figure out what to do next time you feel frustrated instead of having a fit. I'll give you the timer. Come back in x minutes if you feel ready."

My input: This is a really good idea because it might be hard for a child with ASD to stay in anyone place while melting down.

3. If this causes junior to renew his tantrum, go through the same procedures again.

Don't discuss anything with your child. Don't reward this unacceptable behavior with your attention. (is there anything a child considers more rewarding?) state what is now going to happen and make it happen.

My input: During the meltdown or tantrum, sometimes it's impossible to get a word in edgewise. I suggest trying to remain calm and doing one's best to make sure the child is safe (a reverse time out may not work, if a child is a danger to himself.)

4. Give a choice: time out of the loss of something he likes.

(The video he usually gets to watch one afternoon a week? the pack of sugar-free gum he gets on Saturdays?) If your child weighs almost as much as you do, or you have a bad back or some such, say, "You can go to time out right now or you can skip the video, your choice."

My input: This might work after the child has calmed down and can understand choices, which are often difficult for children with ASD to make--especially younger children.

Note: The book is only 48 pages long and is easy to read. However, it was published in 1997 by Scholastic Books and seems to be out of print. It only seems to be available on Ebay with a January 15, 2009 deadline for purchasing ($1, plus $4 for U.S. shipping).